Cleaning up relationships

My Most Important Relationship Is With My Source… There is no relationship of greater importance to achieve than the relationship between you, in your physical body, right here and now, and the Soul/Source/God from which you have come. If you tend to that relationship, first and foremost, you will then, and only then, have the stable footing to proceed into other relationships. Your relationship with your own body; your relationship with money; your relationship with your parents, children, grandchildren, the people you work with, your government, your world . . . will all fall swiftly and easily into alignment once you tend to this fundamental, primary relationship first.

Why Do I Want the Relationship I Want…? Think about what you want in a relationship and why you want it. Look for those around you who are experiencing good relationships, and feel appreciation for them. Make lists of the positive aspects of those you have spent time with. . . . In fact, one of the fastest ways to make your way to a wonderful relationship is to find any subject that consistently feels good, and focus on that even if it has nothing to do with relationships.

Should I Leave or Should I Stay…? It is very empowering to discover that your patterns of thought do not have to follow your current situation, and therefore your current situation (on all subjects) can change. . . . We do not recommend taking the physical action of leaving a relationship without deliberately coming into thought alignment with the new desires that have been born out of your current relationship. And then—whether you stay in this relationship or move on to another—you can have exactly what you desire.

A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled—so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good—leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior.

We would like to help you to understand that neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior, nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior, is actually the reason that you feel good or bad. The way you feel is only ever about your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you. It is only your relationship with the Source within you (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.

While it is nice to find things in your physical environment that enhance your good-feeling alignment with your Inner Being, your understanding of why you feel good will make it possible for you to feel good regardless of the behavior of others.

Understanding that the way you feel is really about your Vibrational relationship with your Inner Being—with the Source within you, with the expanded version of you who resides inside your Vortex—gives you complete empowerment and absolute freedom.

Most who are looking for mates that they haven’t quite found yet are so interested in getting to where they’re going that they’re missing the fun of going there.

The Thoughts I Think Determine the Relationship I Attract

You are the thinking, vibrating attractor of your experience; and the thoughts you think determine everything about the life that you live. As you turn your attention toward the positive aspects of the personalities and behaviors of others with whom you share your planet, you will train your point of attraction in the direction of only what you desire.

Not only does the power of your thought determine which people make their way into your life, but the power of your thought determines how they behave once they get there.

So many people need you to behave in a certain way for them to feel good. They condemn you for your selfishness. “How dare you be so selfish as to follow what makes you feel good? You should follow what makes us feel good.” At an early age, you were convinced that you weren’t smart enough to know and that somebody else should make the decisions… You could not live in this culture during the times of your life without getting a huge amount of information relative to that, just in the way people respond to the things you do and say.

You have more harmony points with every person on the planet than you have disharmony points, because there is much more of you that is in harmony with your Core than you realize or that most of you allow. The closer you come to being in harmony with your Source Energy, the more in harmony you are with each other. When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought. If nothing is more important to you than that you feel good, you can form a fantasy about someone who is in your life and they will begin to modify to meet your fantasy, because Law of Attraction is a very powerful thing.

You could just love them

You just cannot kill everybody who doesn’t agree with you. You can’t do it. You’ll kill enough of them, and pretty soon, you’ll be down to the nitty gritty that is just you guys, and then you’ll start disagreeing with each other… In other words, you cannot get to where you want to be by pushing against what you do not want—it never, ever works.

Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes more pushing against. In other words, it isn’t until you stop pushing that any real allowing of what you want can take place.

Trust that they’re making their lives work in the way that they’re making their lives work. And just teach through the power of your example.

… you could just love them. You could just mind your own business and love them. You could just appreciate them whatever decision they decided to make. You could just love them unconditionally. You could just not use all the criteria that you’ve been gathering around the world to decide whether this one is lovable or not, and you could just love them. You could stop cutting yourself off from your won inner Being by using some bogus criteria as the reason not to love them.

Every time you try to help somebody, and you focus upon the need for help that they have, you clog up your pipe. And, you disallow your intuitive resources, your impulses, your timing.

The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.

Here a quote of OSHO: So remember, if inside your heart extremes are fighting, don’t choose. Allow them both to be there. Be a big house, have enough room inside.

Don’t say,”I will have only compassion, not anger; I will have only love, not hate.” You will be impoverished. Have a big room; let both be there. And there is no need to create a fight between them; there is no fight.

The fight comes from your mind, from your teachings, upbringing, conditioning. The whole world goes on saying to you: Love. Don’t hate. How can you love without hate?

Jesus says,”Love your enemies.” And I tell you,”Hate your lovers also” – then it becomes a complete whole. Otherwise Jesus’ saying is incomplete. He says,”Love your enemies.” You hate only; he says love also. But the other part is missing.

I tell you: Hate your friends also; hate your lovers also. And don’t be afraid. Then by and by you will see there is no difference between the enemy and the friend, because you hate and love the enemy and you love and hate the friend. It will be only a question of the coin upside down or downside up. Then the friend is the enemy and the enemy is the friend. Then distinctions simply disappear. Don’t create a fight inside, allow them both to be there. They both will be needed, both will give u wings.

Only then can you fly.

❤OshO 💞🌹🙏🙏❤️‍🩹🌹

You can only live your life

Thinking about yourself and taking care of yourself allows you to love and appreciate oneself, to truly love everything: yourself, others and the Great All.

You are surrounded by many influences in your physical environment, and it often happens that other people ask you, sometimes insistently, to behave differently. To behave differently in order to make a positive contribution, to contribute positively to their own lives. You’re subjected to a deluge of laws, rules and expectations imposed by other people, and almost everyone seems to have an opinion about how you should behave.

But it is impossible to follow the right path to where you want to get to, if you rely on these kinds of outside, external influences to guide you.

It’s often the case that you’re trained to do something, to please someone else, only to discover that, despite all your efforts, you can’t get things moving in harmony. As a result, not only do you fail to please the other person, but you’re also not satisfied with yourself. And as you’re pulled in many different directions, you end up losing sight of what you usually like to do with your life, your existence.

The greatest gift you can give another person is your own happiness, because when you’re in a state of being dominated by joy, happiness and appreciation, you are fully connected to a stream of pure, positive Source Energy that reflects your true nature. And no matter who or what is holding your attention at the time, they automatically benefit.

To be fulfilled in life, others don’t need you to be different or to do things for them, since they have access to the same stream of well-being as you do. Often, others (who don’t understand that they can access the stream of Well-being) suffer from not being able to remain in the same stream of Well-being as you; they suffer from not being able to remain in a harmonious state of being, and then ask you to do things for them, that they believe will make them happier.

However, not only do they confuse you by making you responsible for their happiness, but they also become dependent on you in this respect. Clearly, they can’t control how others behave, and such control is necessary for their happiness, then they really have a big problem.

Your happiness doesn’t depend on what others do; it’s solely your own vibratory balance. And other people’s happiness doesn’t depend on you, because they’re the only one who can maintain their vibratory balance. Your wellbeing is solely determined, from moment to moment, by the type of energy that you nurture within yourself. Your state of being simply reveals, over and over again, the degree of vibratory equilibrium between your desires and the vibrations emanating from you.

If you rely on another influence as your source of guidance, you will get it wrong, because no one else knows better than you the path to your desired goal. And even if others understand your desires, they won’t bother to bring their own desires constantly into play. Therefore, it’s only by remaining attentive to what you feel will you be able to guide yourself in achieving your own goals.

Others can’t understand your desires or feelings. Others only want to be able to guide you. There are an infinite number of people with an infinite number of opinions, rules, demands and suggestions as to how you should live your life. However, none of them is able to take into consideration the only thing that counts in the realization of your desires. They cannot understand the vibratory content of your desires, any more than they can understand your state of being.

So they cannot guide you. Even with the best intentions in the world, and wanting only the best for you. They don’t really know what’s going on inside you. And even though many of them are only interested in giving you disinterested advice, it’s impossible for them to separate their desires for you from those they have for themselves.

No one else knows what’s best for you: Since everything you ask for is granted to you, it’s wonderful and more appropriate for you to make the choices that concern you, especially as the Universe works much more without intermediaries interceding on your behalf. No one else knows what’s right for you. You always know at any given moment what’s best for you.

Personal addition:

You’re not here to live in obedience and consensus with others. You’re here to realize your won desires, just as others can. So you don’t have to do anything for others, just as others don’t have to do anything for you. As others have nothing to ask of you – unless you make a healthy, deliberate and perfectly conscious choice and for which you alone will be responsible.

You must be selfish enough to align yourself with Wellness. Sometimes people accuse us of preaching selfishness, and we agree. In fact, we teach people to be selfish, because if they’re not selfish enough to deliberately align themselves with the Energy of their Source, they’ll have nothing to give anyone anyway. Some worry that if they selfishly achieve what they want, it will be tantamount to unjustly taking something away from others. But this worry is based on the mistaken idea that there is a limit to the abundance available. They fear that by taking too much of the pie, there will be nothing left for others, when in reality, the pie increases in size in proportion to the vibratory demands of all people.

The success in life is the quantity of joy and other positive feelings and emotions. That’s what god asks of you and gives everything else with it! The only thing you need discipline for is practicing the art of self-appreciation and self-love are the most important qualities you can cultivate.

Appreciation of others and of yourself has the greatest affinity with source energy of anything we’ve observed in this entire Universe.

One last thing:

In all this, don’t be too hard on yourself. You tend to take life so seriously! This life is supposed to be a pleasant experience, you know! As we watch you create your life, we feel nothing but love and appreciation for all that you are. And you are, among other things, creators sifting through the marvelous contrasts offered by this environment and drawing conclusions that propel the Life Force forward. Words cannot express how precious you are.

Above all, we want you to rediscover your ability to appreciate yourself. We want you to rediscover your appreciation for you life, for the people in your world and above all for yourself.

There’s a lot of love here for you.

You cannot give it to them

When you are feeling the discomfort from seeing other people in a lackful or needy situation, and you decide to help them from your place of discomfort, no lasting value ever occurs, for two important reasons: first, you are not in alignment with the Energy of your Source, and so you have no real value to give; and second, your attention to their need only amplifies their need.

Of course, it is a wonderful thing to help others, but you must do it from your position of strength and alignment, which means you must be in alignment with their success as you offer assistance, and not in alignment with their problem.

When your awareness of their situation makes you uncomfortable and you offer help to make them feel better and to make yourself feel better, you are not in the Vortex and you are not helping. When you feel an inspired eagerness to offer something because you want to participate in their happy, successful process, your attention to their success harmonizes with the point of view of your Source; and the infinite resources of the Universe are at your disposal. And that does help.

It should only be talked about if the talking will make you feel better. It is of no value, ever, to activate and talk about something that doesn’t feel good, because it reactivates it in your vibration; it makes it another point of your point of attraction so you’re less clear.

In other words, when you focus upon the problems of others, you diminish your ability to help them. People believe that you’ve got to focus upon the problem in order to find a solution. And we say, no solution ever comes forth – it’s never inspired; you never recognize it, and you are never able to facilitate or achieve it—from your place of focusing on the problem. They are two entirely different vibrations.

If you have someone who has many things going wrong and one thing going right, beat the drum of what’s going right, and let that be your point of attraction. If you focus upon their problems, you achieve vibrational harmony with something other than the Source that gives you solution.

When you are in alignment with who-you-really-are, you cannot help but uplift those with whom you come into contact. Your value to those around you hinges upon only one thing: your personal alignment with Source. And the only thing you have to give to another is an example of that alignment—which they may observe, then desire, and then work to achieve—but you cannot give it to them. Everyone is responsible for the thoughts they think and the things that they choose as their objects of attention.

You are the creator of your own reality, and so you are not in jeopardy. You do not need to control the behavior of others in order for you to thrive. Your attention to things that you think they do that keeps you from your thriving is, in fact, what keeps you from your thriving… It is not what they do to you; it’s what you do to you in fear of what you think that they will do to you.

You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that worrying about somebody means that you love them.

The best you can do for anyone is to thrive fully and be willing to explain to anyone who asks how it is that you are thriving, and what it is that you’ve discovered—and then, just relax and trust that all truly is well.


Are we for marriage? Yes. Are we for divorce? Yes. Are we for monogamy? Yes. All of you have different ways of satisfying your desires, and all of it is appropriate or not. And only you, individually, know if it is appropriate or inappropriate unto you in this moment.

For now, focus on everyone you can as best as you can, from the perspective you believe your inner being holds. And watch what happens to the physical manifested version of those relationships.

If we were standing in your physical shoes we would not merely observe what others are doing and use that as a basis for our own attraction. We would focus deliberately on things that we want to attract into our experience. And then, we would sit on the front row of our own creation, witnessing the results of the climate that we have deliberately prepared.

As you look for a better-feeling way to approach whatever you are giving your attention to; as you continue to ask yourself from your ever-changing vantage point, “What is it that I do want?”… Eventually you will be standing in a very pleasing place—for you cannot continually ask yourself what it is that you do want without your point of attraction beginning to pivot in that direction. The process will be gradual, but your continued application of the process will yield wonderful results in only a few days.

You are the vibrational writers of the script of your life, and everyone else in the Universe is playing the part that you have assigned to them.

If you really want to find the perfect human relationship, look for someone who is like a cat… Likes to be alone and happy to be with you. Happy when you are there and happy when you are not there. Licks your face occasionally. Will take all the scratching and petting you are willing to offer. Feels secure. Sleeps when it feels like it. Hunts when it feels like it. Basks often. Meditates regularly. Never feels guilty; ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER. Does emphatically what he wants to do. Is always glad to see you. Never care when you leave. Seems like the perfect partner.

We would like you to reach the place where you’re not willing to listen to people criticize one another… where you take no satisfaction from somebody being wrong… where it matters to you so much that you feel good, that you are only willing to think positive things about people…you are only willing to look for positive aspects; you are only willing to look for solutions, and you are not willing to beat the drum of all of the problems of the world.

Attempting to Control Others Attracts More to Be Controlled… It is easy to understand how you would come to the conclusion that your path to feeling good is through influencing or controlling the behavior of others. But as you attempt to control them (through influence or coercion), you discover that not only can you not contain them but your attention to them brings more like them into your experience. You simply cannot get to where you want to be by controlling or eliminating the unwanted.

Because others cannot vibrate in your experience, they cannot affect the outcome of your experience. They can hold their opinions, but unless their opinion affects your opinion, their opinion matters not at all. A million people could be pushing against you and it would not negatively affect you – unless you push back. That million people pushing against you are affecting their millions of vibrations. They are affecting what happens in their experience. They are affecting their point of attraction, but it does not affect you unless you push against them.

If you decide to make someone the enemy and you’re pushing very hard against them, you don’t affect them at all but you disconnect yourself from the Stream. If someone cheats you, they cannot diminish your experience. They only diminish their experience. You cannot be diminished by someone cheating you unless you get all upset about being cheated and push against them and use that as your excuse to disconnect from the Stream.

Get out into the sunlight — out where everything is — with a vibration that is so dominant that those who annoy you; those who don’t agree with you; those who make your life feel uncomfortable don’t come into your experience, because your vibration — through your practice — has become so clear, so pure, so clean, so in keeping with what you want, that the world that revolves around you just feels like that. That’s what you planned.

You are always living a reflection of whatever you are outputting. And so, if you get into a little pocket where a lot of people are being rude, it’s probably because you are being rude—or because you have been aware of people being rude. Nothing ever happens to you that is not part of your vibration!

Q: So we’re not doing ourselves or the other person any favor, when we discuss our problems or concerns with them?

A: Indeed not. Nothing good ever comes from focusing in opposition to what you desire. It is detrimental to you and to whomever you draw into your negative conversation.

Nobody can affect your experiences

When it feels to you as if someone is pushing your button, realize that you are the one with a great big button out there that is just begging to be pushed. If you don?t put it out there, no one will push it.

Because others cannot vibrate in your experience, they cannot affect the outcome of your experience. They can hold their opinions, but unless their opinion affects your opinion, their opinion matters not at all. A million people could be pushing against you, and it would not negatively affect you unless you push back. They are affecting what happens in their experience. They are affecting their point of attraction—but it does not affect you unless you push against them.

It is really not a good idea to encourage your friends to complain about things to you. There is no value in assisting anyone to describe, in detail, their unhappy experiences.


If you feel drawn to someone, but you are annoyed because you think that they are telling you some lies, try to look beyond the lies and try to focus upon the feeling. People offer all kinds of words for all kinds of different reasons. Most lies are offered to try to keep things in alignment.

We’re not encouraging it, but the motive behind lying is usually a pretty honorable motive. In other words, when a child lies to their parents, it’s usually because they want to be free to do what they want to do, and they don’t want their parents to be upset about it. It’s about wanting an alignment.

Physical ears have a hard time hearing this. You keep talking about “We need to be honest.” And we say, we don’t meet any of you who are honest. Even those who claim to be the most virtuous, are not honest, but your vibration always is. We would trust the feeling more than the words.


If you don’t meet resistance with resistance, it dissipates dramatically. It just softens. Try it! Next time somebody says to you, “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” say, “Pfftt, you’re right. You are right. You’re right.” And mean it. In other words, don’t mock them. Don’t be sarcastic. “You’re right.” And then watch how, all of a sudden, their legs almost go right out from under them. They don’t have the energy to blast you, because you just took the fuel away from the fire.

Just like the wild beasts, you want your own autonomy. You want freedom. You want freedom from negative emotion. You want freedom from somebody telling you what to do. Whether you are consciously aware of it or not — what all of you want is a sense of Well-being.

You cannot find someone, even if they deserve it, as your enemy and stay Connected with who you are at the same time, because your Source will not take sides like that. No one can stay connected to Source Energy, and push hard against someone else. There are these battles that are fought in the name of “God”, and all of these prayers that say, “God is on our side,” and we say, god is not on your side, nor is god on the side of those who fight against you. god does not take those sides.

When you see someone living something awful, a rocket of desire for their resolution shoots out of you. And then, if you start focusing upon their resolution, you’ll start feeling better right away. And now, you’re part of the current that is part of the solution.